Quarterly earnings in the morning. Cornhole tournament by 4 PM.

Date: Friday, May 17, 2025*

📊 BOARDROOMS

Serious business. Lightly starched.

1. Inflation Dips, Market Shrugs

📅 Report Date: May 15, 2025

April’s CPI cooled to 3.3%. The Fed’s still on edge and says **no rate cuts** until at least **late summer**, maybe post–July 31 meeting. Translation: Markets are holding their breath, and so is your mortgage.

2. Uber Posts First Real Profit

📅 *Earnings Report Date: May 14, 2025*

For the first time since 2019, Uber turned a **real** profit — \$654 million in Q1. Efficiency and ride volume are up. Meanwhile, you’re still paying \$38 for a lift from the airport to your cousin’s house.

3. Apple’s AI Quiet Move

📅 *Reported May 13, 2025*

Apple is reportedly embedding OpenAI’s tech into iOS 18 — announcement expected at **WWDC on June 10**. Siri might finally be less confused. We’ll believe it when she actually sets the timer on command.

4. TikTok Ticking Down

📅 *Update: May 15, 2025*

ByteDance has **until January 2026** to sell TikTok’s U.S. operations or face a ban, per a newly signed federal law. TikTok’s CEO is fighting back in court. Gen Z is panicking. Influencers are already eyeing LinkedIn like it’s a lifeboat.

5. Red Lobster Files for Bankruptcy

📅 *Reported May 16, 2025*

Yes, the home of endless shrimp has filed for Chapter 11. Citing high lease costs, rising food prices, and, yes, too many shrimp giveaways, Red Lobster is closing nearly 100 locations. A salty end to an American dining era.

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📈 Major U.S. Indexes – Last 5 Weeks

*Look at you pretending you don’t care about your portfolio.*

🍔 BACKYARDS

*Where the real action happens — coolers, playlists, playoffs, and pitmasters.*

🎉 Event Radar – May 17–19, 2025

Hangout Fest

📍 *Gulf Shores, AL*

📅 *May 17–19*

🎧 Post Malone, Lana Del Rey, Cage the Elephant

🏖️ Music, sun, and sand… bring SPF 70 and an exit plan.

Welcome to Rockville

📍 *Daytona Beach, FL*

📅 *May 15–18*

🎵 Green Day, Linkin Park, Korn, Incubus, Sublime

Kilby Block Party

📍 *Salt Lake City, UT*

📅 *May 15–18*

🎵 Weezer, Beach House, Justice

Resonate Suwannee

📍 *Live Oak, FL*

📅 *May 15–17*

🎵 STS9, Detox Unit, Shpongle

SmokeSlam BBQ Festival

📍 *Memphis, TN*

📅 *May 15–17*

🎤 Shane Smith & The Saints, The Revivalists

🏆 Sports Highlights – May 17–19, 2025

PGA Championship

📍 *Quail Hollow Club, Charlotte, NC*

📅 *May 15–18*

🏌️‍♂️ Rory McIlroy returns to where he's won before.

Preakness Stakes

📍 *Pimlico Race Course, Baltimore, MD*

📅 *May 17*

🐎 Will we see a Triple Crown contender?

NBA Playoffs

📅 *Ongoing*

🏀 Celtics vs. Heat, Nuggets vs. Warriors

NHL Playoffs

📅 *Ongoing*

🏒 Stanley Cup contenders skating on thin ice

Boxing: Fisher vs. Allen II

📍 *London, UK*

📅 *May 17* (Watch via DAZN)

⚪ Heavyweight fireworks expected.

* **NASCAR All-Star Open**

📍 *North Wilkesboro, NC*

📅 *May 18*

🏁 High-stakes speed and Southern chaos.

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🎵 Pop & Play

* **New Drops This Week:**

* *Kendrick Lamar* – "Burnt Ends"

* *Dua Lipa* – *Radial Energy* (May 17)

* *Zach Bryan* – *Motel Poems* EP (May 15)

* **Streaming Now:**

* *F1: Drive to Survive* – Netflix

* *The Bear* – Season 3 drops June 17

* *Dark Side of the Ring* – Season 5 (Vice)

🥧 This Week’s Backyard Breakdown

*Here’s how Americans are planning to let loose this weekend:*

🧥 Hal’s Hookup of the Week

**The pre-order list is open. The khakis are inevitable.**

Our inaugural run of Hal’s Khakis is in the works, and rumor has it they’re pleated to perfection. Join the list and be first in line when these leg legends drop.

👉 [Join the List](#)

In Office & Out Of Office – Issue #001

📊 BOARDROOMS

🍔 BACKYARDS

🧥 Hal’s Hookup of the Week

hal’s khakis